There aren't very many days anymore where I am just down right depressed and confused about my diagnosis but today is one of those days.
I believe I am just tired and since my brain has stopped letting me know I'm tired and my eye is slowly not twitching to warn me my emotions are my only sign. When I'm having one of these days I go into self diagnosis Dr. T mode and research everything from extactly where my tumor is to reading other peoples stories (all much worse than mine). I don't want sympothy or to even be thaught of as any different because the FACTS are all there that right now my situation is fabulous and its just not that bad. I don't have seizures, I haven't had a bad bleed from this new one, I am not alone and best of all my memory and need to keep thriving is coming back!
But days like today I want to read and remind myself where my tumor is and that it's very tiny. I remind myself I still need to give myself time to rest and recover. I'm only 4 months post surgery and to someone with a broken bone or galbladder surgery this is a long time but for brain surgery this is tiny (doctor said 6-12 months to feel normal again). So today I make a new goal that in 12 months I'm not shocked still and I stop having days like today and I'm okay that my brain does wacky things because I am lucky to have the man I do, the family I do and friends :)
Oh and on a positive note I have reached a couple of things on my bucket list:
Surfing (A little rough when your energy level is not back but OMG I can't wait to go again);
Sea World as an adult (so important because when you grow up sure you remember great memorys of going with your family but actually going and KNOWing what your seeing and absorbing the magic as an adult was so important to me expecially the person I went with );
I'm such a foodie when I travel and got to try many new places in San Diego (I suggest Sportsmens seafood) ;
Golfing (is becoming a huge part of my life and although I still suck I'm trying and seem to be making progress);
I get to go to my first country concert in 2 months;
Back to school and loving it; and
Most important is I am finally able to enjoy my/our friends again and not feel so miserable and tired
