Finally I have come to grasps with the fact that Yes I have a disease and No it won't run my life. Most of my posts have been sort of negative and me trying to find the median between not feeling good and taking one day at a time and living it to the fullest. My life was turned upside down. Every thought I had made up in my head and plan I had for myself (yes I plan everything out) was destroyed and I would have to re-route everything…Well so I was convinced. My only cooping skill was to pretend everything was fine but really who was I fooling. I’ve taken 15 steps backward and for the past couple of nights I haven’t gone to bed without thanking God I could not be happier with the way God has made my path. He often puts things in your way but I’m in the process of teaching myself even if it’s exhausting to jump over them, it’s even more exhausting to stand there and stare at it.
I said I was going to live my life to the fullest while instead I would go through the motions and cry myself to sleep. I finally feel like I might be living again. Between studying I’ve managed to keep my house clean and start walking again hopefully start running again in the next couple days. I went back to church and watched my best friend her sister and sister-in-law (which is like my own family) get Baptized. I cried joyful tears watching them take the next step to allow God in there lives. After everything they have been through the last year they haven’t let it stop them living life but rather make life greater and more meaningful. I wish the center of our circle were here with us but I know that I was lucky enough to have her in my life for the little time I did.
My boyfriend finally took me shooting after begging for 2 years. I can’t get over the flinching part even though I know the gun it not going to bite me back. So I guess I better keep practicing. I’ve wanted to learn how to golf for a long time and now that my boyfriend has taken this as his new hobby hopefully he will teach me this weekend for my birthday. After my surgery I think I will get some lessons from the pros!
I have to get back to studying I have a test to A’ce tomorrow!!!
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